Breaking up is an occupational hazard of dating—sometimes, the return on investment is good, and you ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after (which includes dogs that poop on the carpet, after all, “happily” doesn’t mean “perfectly”). But sometimes, the work and effort you put into dating don’t pay out, and you’re left with a box of soggy tissues and an empty carton of ice cream and a lot of memories that make you cry.
Comforting a friend through a break up is an exercise in listening and compassion, more than anything else. There’s not usually much to say, unless you’re affirming that the guy went loco, or he wasn’t worth it anyways.
Curtis (he’s very wonderful) has a better knack at knowing the things to say than I do—and since good artists copy, but great artists steal (thank you Adams, Eliot, Joad, Stravinsky, Faulkner, Picasso, and apparently a handful of others), today I’m sharing his words:
“There are a few people in life who I consider to be truly special. Not always are they close friends to me, but sometimes they are. But it’s a small list of people I truly consider to be living a special and abnormally good life.
You are one of those people. You are very special. You deserve the utmost quality, importance, love, respect, and devotion from anyone who might consider being romantically involved with you. You deserve someone who will support your every passion, encourage beauty in an already beautiful life, and build more special on an already special soul.
He was trying to change you, block you from your dreams and aspirations, and shape you into an average mold when you already are a special person.
I’m not sure there is anything I can say to help the pain that always comes from the hurt that strained relationships bring. And I know this is cliché of me to say, but you deserve a much better man than him. He was immature and insecure in the way he handled himself with you.
When you find the right person, he’s going to love you, respect you, be proud of you, treat you like a queen, and encourage you in every small or big thing that even remotely excites you.
Because the right person will know what the rest of us know: you don’t try to change a special person, you support and love them.